The Happiness Paradox: When what makes you happy, makes you unhappy
“I just don’t feel like it,” said one of my college soccer teammates, in reference to our summer workout program. She lived by the ‘do what makes you happy’ mantra. Intriguingly, the last 30 years of happiness research has unlocked the mystery of this paradoxically futile pursuit.
Really, we all want to be happy. It is an unusual person that says, “no, I would prefer to be unhappy. Sign me up for some suffering.” As such, it seems logical that, like my teammate, we should do whatever we feel would make us happy right now, like skip exercise, sleep late, or eat a giant bowl of candy.
Undeniably, western culture holds this pursuit of happiness as a keystone value. It’s seen as a basic human right, clearly stated on the Declaration of Independence.
Interestingly, compelling research shows that people who approach life with the belief that the prime object for human motivation should be the direct pursuit of happiness are happy… for a short time. But since no life is free from adversity, happiness when directly pursued is generally fleeting.
There are numerous examples wherein choosing short-term pleasures at the cost of long-term meaningful values or goals leads to disappointment. For example, we push snooze and skip our exercise session because it’s immediately gratifying to stay in our warm bed. However, that short-lived pleasure passes us by very quickly. Then, we still feel tired despite the extra snooze, disappointed that we’re not feeling rested as anticipated, and doubly disappointed that we missed our exercise session.
Long-Term Happiness
Instead, research shows that deeper and enduring feelings of happiness and life satisfaction are a byproduct of a commitment to authentically meaningful values. When we live in alignment with our values such as faith, family, friends, health, or justice, to name a few, we may not always experience pleasure in the short-term. But a commitment to meaning can produce life satisfaction that endures.
For example, we may not feel like exercising or reading our kids a book or giving a listening ear to a friend. But when we persist because we value health, the development of our children, or loyalty to friends, we live a meaningful life wherein happiness ensues.
So, how could my teammate have approached her training regimen with meaning? A value driven, as opposed to a happiness driven focus, is the first step. Specifically, she could set goals to do her best, personally improve, and contribute to team success. The significance in such efforts are deeply meaningful and extend beyond her own self-interests.
Instead of seeking happiness as the end, committing to meaningful values even when it’s not initially pleasant yields deep happiness and life satisfaction.
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References:
Brett Q. Ford, Amanda J. Shallcross, Iris B. Mauss, Victoria A. Floerke, and June Gruber (2014). Desperately Seeking Happiness: Valuing Happiness is Associated With Symptoms and Diagnosis of Depression. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology: Vol. 33, Special Issue: Cultural-Clinical Psychology, pp. 890-905.
Headey, B., Muffels, R. & Wagner, G.G. Parents Transmit Happiness Along with Associated Values and Behaviors to Their Children: A Lifelong Happiness Dividend? Soc Indic Res (2014) 116: 909.
Martin, M. (2008). Paradoxes of happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 9, 171-184.
Mauss, I. B., Tamir, M., Anderson, C. L., & Savino, N. S. (2011). Can seeking happiness make people unhappy? Paradoxical effects of valuing happiness. Emotion, 11(4), 807-815.
Schooler, J., Ariely, D., & Lowenstein, G. The Pursuit and Assessment of Happiness Can be Self-Defeating.
Zhanjia, Z., & Chen, W. (2018). A Systematic Reivew of the Relationship Between Physical Activity and Happiness. J Happiness Stud.
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