For Anyone Who’s Been Nagged to Exercise
My friend Jenny was at a grill out when she was asked if she wanted another burger. Her husband, Tony, answered for her, “No! She doesn’t need another one.” Fuming, Jenny fired back, “Excuse me. Yes, I WILL have another burger. Thank you!!” She told me later that she took one bite of the burger and threw the rest away. She didn’t really want another burger but she wasn’t going to let Tony think he had a vote. How do we manage these nagging control freaks in our lives that interfere with our motivation to exercise, eat well, and live healthily?
Motivation and Behavioral Reactance
As humans, one of our most basic needs is to have a sense of control. We feel more motivated in life when we do things because we want to, not because we feel forced to. We like support from family and friends, but we don’t like pressure. Thus, when family members pressure or pester us to exercise, or aim to make us feel guilty for not exercising, we often react in the opposite direction. For example, when the “encouraging wife” buys her husband new tennis shoes and a gym membership, despite her sincere intent to support, her husband feels nagged and controlled. In efforts to maintain a sense of autonomy and to remind his wife who’s in charge of his life, he turns on the TV and settles a little deeper into the couch.
Thus, the psychological phenomena where people respond in the direction opposite to the direction being advocated is called Behavioral Reactance. When we perceive significant others as exerting social control rather than providing social support, this reactance often occurs.
Sadly, when people do the opposite of what’s encouraged in efforts to maintain a sense of perceived control, they have inadvertently given away their actual control. You truly remain autonomous when you decide what you will do with your time and energy despite the encouragement (or pressure) of other people.
When people do the opposite of what’s encouraged in efforts to maintain a sense of perceived control, they have inadvertently given away their actual control.
How to Prevent the Naggers from Draining Your Motivation
- Acknowledge that in their own, over the top way, naggers think that they’re being helpful.
- Remember that no matter what the nagger says, ultimately, the choice to exercise (or not) is always yours and only yours.
- Remember that if you choose not to exercise because you want to show the nagger that they’re not calling the shots in your life, you’ve actually still allowed them control of your behavior.
- In the still, quiet of your own mind, decide whether or not to exercise for your own reason. Then, smilingly execute your plan because its in line with your values and goals.
Ultimately, people who give unsolicited advice are like Labrador puppies. They mean well and are eager to be a part of your life; they just have no idea that the excessive encouragement that they’re barking has begun to pierce your ears.
It’s OK to let your Labrador take credit for your successful adherence to your exercise program. You, me, and this article will know that they were actually a barrier you had to step over. Let’s not choose to avoid exercise in order to maintain an illusion of control. We give away our control when we take action based on another person’s pressure. Instead, remember that YOU are the author of YOUR exercise regimen when, despite advise from others, YOU decide to exercise for YOUR own reasons.
Thanks for reading! 🙂
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References:
Lewis, & Rook (1999). Social control in personal relationships: Impact on health behaviors and psychological distress. Health Psychology, 31, 1000-1016.
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